Nabeela Nushaira Rahman- Dear Diary Part 4

Dear Diary,
I have troubled you with my last post, haven’t I? With all my blabber about anxiety and then not being in touch with you for a long period? Well, as the kids these days say, sorry but not sorry. Now don’t get offended, I will explain why I am not sorry, and after hearing what I have been up to, you will love me, because well, you love me anyway.
Dealing with anxiety was by far the easiest and most motivating challenge for me. Can you believe I called a challenge easy without overthinking thousands of possible (read barely probable) negative outcomes? I have changed slightly, for the better! I changed a small thing and that, in turn, gave me so much, I am gonna tell you all about it.
So, the small thing was building daily rituals by forming good habits – simple, effective, and empowering. I was suggested some habits by my therapist but she gave me the freedom to tailor and tweak the routines in my own way. Okay, let’s cut to the chase and tell you about the small miracles of my daily life.

    Like a lot of people, in the past, I have been skeptical about meditating. I never could focus, and it seemed a silly waste of time. But when my therapist and some YouTube videos swore that it works, I got curious. I sought to learn the correct form of meditating but found out, there is just not one form, there are so many to explore! After trying out different types, I settled on grounding and visualizing meditations. I invested in a paid app too, and from the benefits, I am receiving, it has already paid back its cost tenfold. I now practice longer meditation twice a day, after waking up and before sleeping at night, each for twenty minutes and I cannot express how refreshing it feels. I think I will join group meditations soon, I have stopped being shy about this because I am in LOVE with it. Also, I practice grounding meditations that take about 5 to 10 minutes whenever I feel anxious, stressed overworked, or demotivated. I am going to tell as many people as I can convince to practice this, it’s freaking MAGICAL!
    Have you heard of circadian rhythm before? I am sure you have, because I have, but I never knew its importance was so very much! Basically, it means following the natural body clock that is aligned with the sun (Kryptonian vibes much? Hehe). Now, how does one follow it? Through something I found boring before – rising up at crack of dawn and going to bed early, and I mean really early (9 pm to be exact). Does that make me a bore? Well, on the contrary, it makes me super energetic, I have lesser depressive episodes, I get more things done and as an introvert, I get a readymade excuse to not hang out with people I don’t wanna spend my evenings with. It does more than just letting me avoid people, it creates space for people I value and more importantly, who value me. I feel productive and in control of my life. I have successfully established morning and night rituals, these are important too, telling you about it in the next point. Apart from making me mentally calmer and more composed this routine has made my physical condition better too, and after a long while, I like who I see in the mirror these days, that girl with glowing skin and lustrous hair, her eyes still have some dark patches underneath, but they are fading (can’t tell anyone else how beautiful I find myself apart from you now, can I? I will be tagged a narcissist by people who do not know what narcissism actually is).
    For this to happen, the above two were necessary. Rituals or habits don’t form in a day, I needed constant reaffirmation from myself that I can do this. Remember how I told you I feel like I have no control over my life and I am spiraling down a rabbit hole? I don’t feel like that anymore, though I am still depressed, still in need of therapy, and still suffering from PTSD (I did not mention this before, did I? I will talk about it more later). But I feel like I can win this war even though I have lost so many battles, the scars made me tougher you know. I wake up at dawn every day, drink a glass of water, freshen up, meditate, and go to the rooftop to have my cup of americano – takes about half an hour. Then I walk for half an hour and practice yoga for another half. Sounds tiring to you? It’s amazingly refreshing! I am already pumped up and motivated for the day ahead while the world, well most of it, slumbers. I play with my rabbits for a while and only after I have been awake for two hours do I turn on the WIFI on my phone. I look into my to-do list for the day and plan to take on one by one according to priority. I have my breakfast – healthy rolled oats, yogurt, a mix of nuts and seeds, honey, and boiled egg – before I start working. My work routine is also quite structured and I found the Pomodoro technique helps me be more efficient and by lunchtime, I am done with most of the major things on my to-do list. After work, I spend my time as my heart wishes before it’s time to go to bed. My nighttime ritual is all about prepping for the next day and winding down. I prepare my to-do list for the next day, do some light stretching, turn of technological distractions, complete my skincare routine, meditate, and then drift off. These rituals became rituals only after a lot of trials and errors but finally, I explored and pushed enough to find one that works, I think others can too.

Did I bore you dear? Don’t be, because right now I feel so much in control of my life and although I still have problems, I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. My anxiety is in control without medication and my therapist is proud of me, I am as well, you should be too. I can do this. I will get back to you later after my next session, okay? I will give you a hint about my condition though –
Broken people are beautiful, light emits from their cracks.
Series: Dear Diary
Part: 4, Dealing with anxiety

  • 12 Science-Based Benefits of Meditation:…/12-benefits-of-meditation…
  • Sleep Loss Results in an Elevation of Cortisol Levels:…
  • 13 Benefits of Working Out in the Morning:…/working-out-in-the-morning
  • What is Circadian Rhythm:…/what-circadian-rhythm…

About the Author:

Developer Herwill

Developer Herwill